Actually Useful Movie Ratings

Currently, the Motion Picture Association of America has five ratings for movies: G, PG, PG-13, R, and NC-17. However, many people find this ratings system not very useful, so I proposed another ratings system that is more relevant.

EGT – Explosions, Gore and Titillation: This film is only suitable for those easily amused by explosions, gore, or men/women in skimpy outfits.

DEP – Depressing: This film is critically praised but has a plot too depressing for most people to enjoy.

SE – Special Effects: This film has excellent special effects but is not suitable for those who enjoy good plots or acting.

BRO – Bro: This film is suitable for bros. Contains mainly adolescent and off-color humor few other people enjoy.

S – Science: This film contains so much advanced scientific concepts it may not be interesting to people who don’t have at least a bachelor’s degree in science or engineering.

C – Celebrity: You will see this film despite the fact you neither enjoy the genre or the plot, but because your favorite celebrity is in it.

SEQ – Sequel: This film is a lower-quality sequel to a higher-quality film.

NOS – Nostalgia: This film exploits your childhood nostalgia for a franchise that is no longer popular.

A – Animation: This film is that incredibly popular 3-D (or 2-D) animation film that your kid will be obsessed with, and makes her constantly sing songs from the movie and bug you to buy merchandise.

ROM-COM – Romantic Comedy: This is that somewhat boring and formulaic romantic comedy film you have to take your girlfriend to.

T – Teens: This film was made for teens, despite the fact that it contains extremely mature subject-matter such as violence, sex, and other adult situations.

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